Let's Go Home
by bjames238
Summary: Day 6 of Snowbarry Week 2019 - "family unit." A companion piece of sorts to my day 4 (Snippets), more of the longer Snowbarry story I'm working on. This one takes place following the events of 4.05.


A.N. Title comes from the song "Hold On" by Chord Overstreet. This is another bit of a preview snippet (as is my day 4) of the multi chapter fic I've been working on for a while that pretty much rewrites the show as if Snowbarry were the main couple in focus. For the purposes of the theme week I've changed a few things around so when I finally (hopefully, eventually) get everything for the larger fic together and out and posted, some things in this particular section may or may not stay the same. For now it's just a cute little Snowbarry oneshot. Little bit of background, Caitlin gave birth to Ronnie's daughter (Keegan) before Barry even woke up from the coma in season 1. Very few people knew about Keegan for a long while, as Caitlin wanted to protect her and keep safe but eventually everyone found out. Barry and Caitlin have been together for at this point. This particular section takes place in season 4 right after Norvok and Amunet came after Caitlin/Frost in episode 5 - Barry and Caitlin are going to pick Keegan up from her grandparents.

* * *

"You ready for this, Cait?" Barry reached over to take hold of her hand, keeping his focus on the road in front of him.

"As ready as I'll ever be." Caitlin mumbled, her voice tinged with anxiety. As ready as she could be, about to lay eyes on and hold her daughter for the first time in almost a year. She'd told Ronnie's parents to take Keegan out of the city shortly before Frost had taken over, worried to death that either Savitar or Frost would go after her daughter. But now that Savitar was gone and Frost wasn't as immediate a threat, Caitlin ached to hold her daughter again. Even so, she was still terrified despite her friends telling her not to worry. "You have the meta cuffs right? Just in case?"

"Babe, Frost won't do anything to hurt Keegan or the Raymonds and we both know it. She saved your life, remember?" Barry told her.

"I know and I promised her things would be different and we'd learn to coexist and trust each other but I just . . ." Caitlin trailed off. It had been rough for Caitlin those months away from Keegan, the worst of her life. Dying, Killer Frost taking over and working with Savitar, on the run working with Amunet…. She regretted all of it, but now she was back. She and Barry were working on their relationship, and she and Frost were learning control.

"You're worried about your child, it's perfectly natural." Barry squeezed her hand, pulling into the Raymond's driveway.

"The worrying never stops." Caitlin sighed, nodding.

"I do believe they call that parenting." He turned off the car and leaned back in the seat, chuckling. She rolled her eyes, also laughing, and let go of his hand to hit him in the chest. He shook his head, smirking. "I'll allow that "abuse" on the grounds that your inner-momma-bear is cranky and needs her cub - but don't think I won't get you back with a firm tickling later, Dr. Snow."

"We'll see about that, Mr. Allen." She countered, winking at him. Despite her fears, it felt so good for them to somewhat get back to their comfortable bickering after their time apart. Even so, her hands shook as they got out of the car and walked together up to the house. "Ugh I'm so excited and nervous it feels like my blood is buzzing. Not unlike the day she was born, actually."

"Soon, momma, any moment she'll be back in your arms. You can do this, Cait. I'll be right here with you every second." Barry wrapped his arm around her as she pushed the doorbell.

"You're so good to me." She leaned against him, drawing so much strength from him. "I'm still not sure about the whole having more kids thing for obvious reasons, but if I were - hypothetically - there's no one else but you I'd want next to me to do it. And this calm and collected and supportive Barry I see right now would definitely be the best birthing partner."

He grinned from ear to ear, kissing her. She could practically see the stars in his eyes as he thought about her words. "Whatever my girl and any of our hypothetical future babies need, they get. Done, you name it."

She chuckled. "You may just eat those words someday, mister - hypothetically, I mean. Just ask Cisco - I was a nightmare when I was pregnant with Keegan - and worse in delivery."

"Anything you got, I can handle." He insisted.

As terrifying as the situation still was to her, she couldn't help but fall in love with him a little more in that moment. She'd already seen him with Keegan, seen what kind of a father he could be. There wasn't a doubt in her mind about that fact, that he would be every bit the comfort and support she would need in a partner to carry, deliver, and raise another child. No, that wasn't what scared her.

The Raymond's front door opened and Ronnie's mother Michelle appeared, taking in the two on her front porch with pensive eyes. "C-Caitlin?"

"It's me, Michelle. I swear." Caitlin cringed, stepping back and taking deep breaths to stay calm. Michelle still watched her nervously. "And you met my boyfriend, Barry, a few times."

"Mrs. Raymond, everything's okay. Just like we said on the phone. Caitlin's in control again. We wouldn't have called you back if she wasn't, you know that." Barry told her.

Michelle paused for a moment, before faltering only a little. "I'm sorry - just being overly cautious."

"Which you have every right to be." Barry nodded. "We all love Keegan and just want her to be safe and happy, which is why I came for support and to act as interference if need be - but there shouldn't be any reason to need it."

"You do look like you're doing well, dear." Michelle smiled softly, nodding. "Much better than you were when you dropped Keegan off and told us to leave indefinitely."

"Much, thank you. It, ah, it wasn't easy. Almost lost myself along the way, but thinking of Keegan and holding her again helped me get through." Caitlin fidgeted with the hem of her sweater, unable to look Michelle in the eyes.

"And when Craig and I first came back a few months ago when we'd seen on the news that Central City was quiet again, you really didn't seem yourself at all. Almost like you were a different person altogether - though somehow still you. But now you seem much, much, better now yes." Michelle continued.

Caitlin's head snapped up and she locked wide eyes with Barry. "You came back? When?"

"Don't you remember, dear? You were just sitting on the porch alone in the dark when we got here. You had told us before we left the first time not to trust you if we saw you again - especially if your hair was white and your eyes glowed - before one of your friends told us it was okay, but even so you looked so lost and confused. But once you saw Keegan in my arms, it seemed a little spark kicked back in. It was the same look I'd seen in your eyes the day she was born when the doctor let you see her, and the same one you always had around her since. So, I let you hold her. Craig didn't want me to but my heart couldn't keep my grandchild from her mother any longer." Michelle held her hand over her chest.

Caitlin tensed, her stomach dropping. She had no recollection of this at all, her mind trying to piece together when this was. She grasped at the edges of her mind where Killer Frost lay dormant for the moment, desperately trying to draw on the memories that just weren't there. "Keegan . . ."

"Oh she's fine, dear. In the house with Grandpa as we speak. You must not remember at all, huh." Michelle pondered.

"No, I don't. I never remember anything when she's in control." Caitlin's skin itched to go inside where her daughter was.

"Right. Anyways, that night you-she?-held Keegan for a long while, while Craig and I supervised - which she insisted on." Michelle continued. "We were there the whole time."

"When was this again?" Barry asked.

"Hmm . . . about five months or so?" Michelle answered.

Barry turned to Caitlin. "You don't remember?"

She shook her head. "The first month or so after I left after HR's funeral are kind of a blur. I took the cure and at first it didn't really do anything. Frost and I were kind of back and forth - sometimes both aware at the same time but not for long periods of time. It was mostly her I think maybe tapping into parts of me, I guess? I'm still not really sure how it works. And then after I'd been gone for a bit longer Frost was kinda out of reach for a few days - or not out of reach but I couldn't access her. But I still only remembered very little when she was in control. I didn't even remember us switching, but I woke up just outside Central City on a bus not really knowing where I'd been or where I was going." She sniffled, her hand on her stomach. "I remember the first thing I smelled when I woke up was Keegan, her baby shampoo. I thought I was going crazy. It was why I went to Amunet, because I was desperate to hold my little girl again. But the cure didn't work and neither did the device Amunet had, so I just kept working for her on the street and at the bar and Frost started getting stronger over the next few months. Until Cisco showed up saying he knew how to get you back."

"You weren't going crazy, Cait. You did smell Keegan - because Frost had just been here with her." Barry said. Caitlin teared up, her hands shaking.

"But everything's okay now, right?" Michelle said.

"Right." Barry nodded, grabbing hold of Caitlin's trembling hands. "It's just a little . . . unsettling that you saw her here and Caitlin doesn't remember. So she really didn't do anything but hold Keegan when you saw her?"

"That's right." Michelle told him. "Keegan was okay with her too, which is why I didn't think anything of it at the time. She actually seemed adorably delighted by the white hair, as odd as it was. And then she gave Keegan back to me and told Craig and I to leave again, to wait for someone besides herself to call to say it was okay to come back. We didn't hear from her or any of you again after that. Until yesterday, when Mr Ramon called and told us it was okay to come back."

"And Keegan's okay?" Caitlin wasn't liking any of this at all. She had no recollection of any of it and Frost didn't tell her about it either.

"She's perfectly fine, dear. Why don't we go in so you can see for yourself, hmm?" Michelle stepped aside and Caitlin didn't hesitate to hurry inside.

Barry followed the two women in, closing the door behind him. He could see his girlfriend visibly relax the moment she lay eyes on her daughter. Keegan sat on a blanket on the floor playing with her toys, with Grandpa Craig right next to her.

"Mommy!" Keegan squealed, grinning from ear to ear.

Caitlin scooped the toddler up and spun around with her, holding her tight. "Oh sweetie, mommy missed you so much!"

"Hmm, that's odd." Michelle spoke up.

"What is?" Barry asked.

"Oh, it's probably nothing. Just that when Caitlin - the other her, I mean - was here a few months ago Keegan called her 'mumma' instead of mommy. Does she always do that? Change what she calls Caitlin?" Michelle said.

Barry raised an eyebrow. "No . . . not that I'm aware of. She's called her 'mommy' since she started talking. Hmm - that is strange. But you're right, it's probably nothing." He watched Keegan and Caitlin interact, not noticing anything different between mother and daughter. Just the same adorable love there always was, the same that made Barry fall for both of them.

"You've gotten so big! Mommy's big girl." Caitlin held Keegan on her hip, rubbing their noses together.

Keegan giggled, holding up four fingers. "I'm this many now!"

"I know, my little firecracker." Caitlin laughed, twirling them around again. "We'll have to do something extra special fun to celebrate."

"Oh they're too much together, really - I love it." Michelle gushed, leaning into her husband who now stood beside her with his arm around her shoulder. "There's so much of my baby boy in that little girl but when I watch the two of them together, Caitlin and Keegan are two peas in a pod. I could watch them laugh and play all day long"

"They're both so special," Barry agreed. "She's been through so much, but Keegan is Caitlin's world - her rock. I feel privileged every day just to see it."

"And you, Mr. Allen - don't sell yourself short either." Craig told him. "I can't deny that I don't wish every day that my Ronald was here to take care of those two girls but I know that both Michelle and I take comfort in knowing that they'll always have you, Barry." Michelle nodded in agreement.

"Thank you, Mr Raymond. That means more than you know." Barry said. "I could never take Ronnie's place but I would lay down my life for both Caitlin and Keegan in a heartbeat. I love them with everything I have. You'll never have to worry about them as long as I'm around."

"It's good to have you in the family, son." Craig reached over and shook Barry's hand. Barry looked up to find Caitlin smiling warmly at him.

"Barry!" Keegan giggled, squirming until her mother let her down. The little girl toddled her way over to the speedster, pulling at his coat. "Up! Up!"

"Hey there, kiddo!" Barry picked her up.

"Barry, mommy says I'm a big girl now." Keegan's eyes were wide with amazement.

"Well if mommy says so, it must be true." Barry laughed. "Did you have fun with Grandma and Grandpa on vacation?"

Keegan nodded her head up and down, grinning. "I played with fishies and turtles!"

"Oh, that does sound like fun." Barry agreed. "Maybe we'll all go with next time. A family vacation."

"Mumma go too?" Keegan asked.

Barry, Caitlin, Michelle, and Craig all looked at each other quizzically. "Right….your mom is your family so she'd definitely go too." He raised an eyebrow.

"O-tay, Barry." Keegan smiled innocently, yawning.

"Well, it's getting late sweetie. I think it's almost time for bed." Caitlin lay her hand on her daughter's back as the toddler sleepily snuggled into Barry.

"Mommy read a story upstairs?" Keegan yawned again.

"Actually...tonight we're going to go home to Central City so how about a car ride instead of a story?" Caitlin told her. Keegan's half-open eyes widened with a happy smile. "That's right, and tomorrow you'll get to see Uncle Cisco and Aunty Iris and Uncle Harry and Grandpa Joe and Grandma Cecile. Plus you'll get to meet your Uncle Ralph."

"Yay!" Keegan yawned again.

"It'll be a busy day tomorrow so you'll need lots of sleep." Caitlin kissed her forehead.

"O-tay, mommy." Keegan yawned again.

"Something tells me she'll be asleep before you kids leave the driveway." Michelle chuckled.

"Yeah she's out already." Barry rocked her a little in his arms.

"Can you put her in the car while I grab her stuff, babe?" Caitlin smoothed her daughter's hair, and Barry nodded. Michelle handed Keegan's blanket to Caitlin, who wrapped it around her daughter in her boyfriend's arms. Caitlin kissed him briefly before he turned to the door Craig had already opened. She watched them for a few moments out in the driveway through the open window, the gentle way Barry settled her into the carseat.

"He's so good with her." Michelle commented behind her, her hand on Caitlin's shoulder.

"He really is." Caitlin agreed, breathing out. "It'll never stop hurting that Ronnie isn't here to see her grow up, but I just hope he's at peace knowing Barry and I are doing everything we can to take care of her."

"Oh I know he is." Michelle smiled. "My son loved the two of you so much, and I can see that Barry does too so I know that Ronnie is more than at peace watching over." Caitlin closed her eyes, tears welling up. "It's good to see you doing better, sweetie. I worried about all of you so much the last few months, prayed for you every night. Craig too - it was all we could do to keep it together for Keegan."

"What if I lose control again?" Caitlin wiped her eyes. "Most days I don't think I should be around Keegan at all."

"You won't." Michelle insisted. "Or if you do, there are so many people who love you to pull you back. But . . . judging by just the little bit I saw of your other half, she seems to care about Keegan almost as much as you do."

"I'm starting to get that impression too - though I'm not happy she showed up here all those months ago or that she didn't tell me about it." Caitlin's stomach still turned at the thought of what could have happened.

"Honey, there was no way she could've known we were coming back. It was a last minute decision on our parts, and we weren't even sure we would stay either." Michelle told her. "Mostly we came back to get a few things and check on all of you, even from a distance. That we happened to show up when she was here was merely a coincidence."

"But she was still here, of all places." Caitlin said.

"I suspect she was here for reasons entirely harmless, if not nostalgic." Michelle suggested. "Now I don't know much about metahumans or anything you kids deal with, but I do know what it means being a woman and a mother. Those first nine months after we lost Ronnie the first time I spent a lot of time in his old room, if only to be closer to him. Even now, I stand at the door just staring at it holding one of his old shirts or toys."

"You think Frost missed Keegan too? Like I was?" Caitlin digested that.

"That's what it seemed like to me." Michelle nodded. "So when we showed up unexpectedly as she sat there probably thinking about Keegan and you too, I'm sure the temptation was too much for her heart to give up. If it had been you in control on that porch that night, would you have been able to walk away without holding Keegan for a few hours again?"

Caitlin bit her bottom lip. "No . . . I probably wouldn't have let you leave again."

"As I thought." Michelle chuckled. "She gave Keegan back to me without so much as a fight or fuss, though I could see it was killing her. Perhaps her heart isn't as frozen as she lets on."

Caitlin was stunned into silence, though she had begun to suspect it herself. In fact, that night when she'd woken up in control on the bus there had been dried, frozen tears on her face that she didn't remember crying. She'd just assumed it had been a reaction to smelling Keegan out of nowhere but now . . .

"Just something to think about, dear. Shall we go upstairs? I'll help you gather Keegan's things." Michelle smiled gently, taking hold of her hand and leading her up to Keegan's room.

Caitlin's eyes widened when she entered her daughter's bedroom upstairs. The toddler bed was stripped, and the decorations, toys, and clothes were packed up, and the room was almost completely bare. "What . . ."

"Craig and I discussed it on the way home after Cisco's call yesterday. You know we love you and Keegan so much, and you'll always be family. You brought a piece of Ronnie back to us, and we could never thank you enough for that. These past few years with the two of you have been so precious to us, and I'm only sorry for all the pain you've had to go through that you felt you needed our help at all. But you were so strong through all of it, and I'm so proud of you for how far you've come." Michelle hugged her tight. "This isn't because we don't want Keegan here anymore or don't want to see either of you. That's not what this is at all. This is a good thing, the right and healthy next step. We think you're ready now, to have Keegan full time - not that you ever needed our permission or blessing. We loved being so intertwined in your lives, and we definitely want to see the both of you regularly still. And we will always be available if you need us. But you're Keegan's mother, and the two of you should be together, and with Barry too - a family."

More tears escaped Caitlin's eyes. "I . . . I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say or do anything, dear. Just keep going the best you can, like you've always done." Michelle told her. "Now what do you say we get this stuff down to the car so you and that man of yours can take your little girl home?"

Caitlin felt warm and flush with love at the thought, and she giggled. "I really like the sound of that."

~fin~

A.N. The larger story this snippet is from probably won't be finished for a while, but if you have any questions/comments about it feel free to ask. Also sort of debating taking on a helper/partner for the longer fic but I'm not sure yet.


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